How to be a good flake.

Today's mini-post is for Prismatic Wasteland's latest blogwagon, "How to Be a Good Player." I've shamelessly stolen this prompt from Chris McDowall, who's too busy making the next great Bastionland to write excuses. Not me though. I took the time to write down 50 bulletproof excuses for the next time you flake.

Anyway, I'm sorry I can't make it to game night. I know. I know. It starts in five minutes, but I can't come tonight because...

1. My wife went into labor
2. I'm delivering a stranger's baby.
3. That gunfight scene from Heat? Yeah, it's happening to me right now.
4. I've discovered I was never Clayton at all, and my training is kicking in.
5. Torn apart by wolves.
6. Applied for a different game and got accepted.*
7. That gunfight scene from Point Break? Yeah, it's happening to me right now.
8. Hunted to extinction by sharks.
9. A hotdog car crashed through the display at my local shirt store.
10. I've contracted a new strain of Covid that's memetic.
11. I'm too busy slouching towards Bethlehem.
12. I'm trapped under a vending machine.
13. I've been caught double dipping and I'm begging forgiveness.
14. That gunfight scene from Con Air? Yeah, it's happening to me right now.
15. Amy Winehouse died and I need time to grieve.
16. My car turned out to be an Autobot, and my priorities have changed.
17. I've grown too attached to my character, Black Leaf, to risk her life.
18. My wife's Christmas party at Nakatomi Plaza has gotten out of hand.
19. A storm's coming in and my responsibility to the lighthouse is absolute.
20. Held hostage by wolves.
21. I've discovered our weekly game is a hologram meant to keep me pacified.
22. Greta Gerwig's Little Women is on tv.
23. I'm trapped in a cellar after being promised a cask of Amontillado.
24. That gunfight scene from Hard Boiled? Yeah, it's happening to me right now.
25. The highway to get there—it's gone! All of it! Gone. Gone. Gone.
26. I've been tunneling in the wrong direction this entire time.
27. A mysterious dome has cut me off from the outside world.
28. My dog spoke English for the first time.
29. I've decided only GURPS will do.
30. Wait, if I'm not there... then where am I? And who am I sitting next to?
31. Accepted for all my faults by wolves.
32. I'm stuck in a hallway that keeps getting longer.
33. That gunfight scene from The Matrix? Yeah, it's happening to me right now.
34. A terrible case of quicksand.
35. I tried taking a shortcut, and now I'm lost in The Labyrinth.
36. Time dilation in the snacks aisle. I've lost days picking up pretzels.
37. I rolled a 1 on time-management. Haha! Not really. My car was repossessed.
38. I've been Isekai'd. I don't know what it means, and I'm scared.
39. My car wheels popped off Looney Toons-style.
40. I've been forcibly drafted into a gang of singing and dancing street toughs.
41. Poseidon is angry with me and my transgressions.
42. Flaking is what my character would do.
43. That finale in It's a Wonderful Life? Yeah, it's happening to me right now.
44. I'm stuck in a future where apes rule the planet.
45. The wolves have taken me aside and convinced me to try LARP.
46. The birds! It's the birds! Don't you understand?
47. I've been drawn and quartered.
48. Clearly this is your fault!
49. I'm too busy being borne back ceaselessly into the past.
50. Diarrhea.

Anyway, I'll be at the next session for sure. No doubt about it.

*I stole this one from Elmcat. Another good player.

Explorers Design is a production of Clayton Notestine. If you liked this article, please consider liking, sharing, and subscribing.